Dispatch from the Edge: Rounding up the Week’s Most Bizarre Stories

Posted on October 14, 2011

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By Michael Devlin

Fifty year old Joseph Wilson accomplished what, I’m guessing, few of us have ever dreamed possible; he was arrested for the one hundredth time. The first ninety-nine “cuffings” comprised of forty-seven misdemeanors, thirty-seven felonies, and fifteen miscellaneous charges. The criminal mastermind would have to do something truly inspiring to celebrate this milestone – a heist of staggering imagination – and Wilson did not disappoint. Trolling the aisles of a Bealls department store in Port St. Lucie, Florida, he decided to steal some underwear – $147 worth – stuffed into his shirt. An employee spotted the BVD Bandit and alerted authorities, who apprehended him shortly thereafter. He is being held on a $20,000 bond.

On the golden coast of California, Huntington Beach played host to a bizarre funeral on Saturday, where pot brownies were distributed to hapless senior citizens of which three were hospitalized. The tainted snacks were brought to honor the deceased, who’d taken medical marijuana.

Mohamed Bishr, an aging fellow most known for his resemblance to none other than executed dictator Saddam Hussein, has had troubles with his appearance for years with folks accosting him, believing he was the ousted dictator taking refuge in Egypt.  But he could have never fathomed what would come next.

A group wishing to produce a Saddam Hussein pornography video approached him, offering $330,000 for his performance. They intended to market it as a “found” sex tape and sell it for millions. Bishr, a devout Muslim, refused the generous offer (no news source seems to reveal if his intended partner was to be of the male or female persuasion), and after some threatening phone calls, he was abducted by armed men, beaten, and forced into a van. Luckily, his kidnappers began squabbling amongst themselves and subsequently released him.

The scheme isn’t nearly as crazy as it would seem from the outset. Reports indicate that the CIA had once entertained a similar notion of producing a gay porn with a Saddam look-a-like to squash his credibility.