Minute with Meltdown: What I’m Thankful For…

Posted on November 23, 2011


By Matt Melton

The holiday season is the perfect time for us to slow down and spend a few moments in thought, to take stock of everything that is important to us and our lives, and to really appreciate the blessings given to us.

When you are finished with that, here’s a random tongue-hand-foot-arm-shoulder-elbow-thigh-in-cheek look at everything else in the sports world we have to be thankful for. This list is brought to you today by the jersey number of Tim Tebow, because there is not a more bankable bet in sports that he will retire wearing the Denver Bronco blue & orange.

  1. We should be thankful that Jerry Sandusky took the time to answer Bob Costas’s questions. On national television. With his lawyer present. And that he wasn’t smart enough to have thought of an answer to the question “Are you sexually attracted to young boys?” in advance of the interview.
  2. We should be thankful that while sports fans cannot survive without preseason NFL games, we are perfectly content to go on with our lives while the NBA players and owners argue over the difference between 49% and 51% of revenue.
  3. We should be thankful that the NHL’s response to legislating head injuries is not forcing every team to implement a 1-3-1 defensive zone scheme, thus encouraging the offense to respond by taking the puck and…doing…nothing.
  4. We should be thankful that the NCAA has everyone’s best interest at heart during this bowl season when the BCS standings give college football fans rematches of the entire SEC conference schedule.
  5. We should be thankful that with the expansion of MLB playoffs, we will be titillated with even more five-hour marathons featuring the Red Sox and Yankees.
  6. We should be thankful that Bob Knight didn’t bite off Mike Krzyzewski’s head and throw it across the court when they embraced after Coach K brought home win #903, passing Knight to become college basketball’s win king.
  7. We should be thankful that the Detroit Lions will finally be relevant on Thanksgiving this year, even though they have a Turducken’s chance in hell to beat the Green Bay Packers on Thursday.
  8. We should be thankful that Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather have finally set a date, and we can trust they both will show up ready to fight on May 5, 2012.
  9. We should be thankful that Roger Goodell was not Commissioner in the Land of Oz because Dorothy would never have made it home had she been fined $5K for wearing unsanctioned footgear.
  10. We should be thankful that all the problems at the University of Miami and Ohio State have been solved, that those two schools will learn from their mistakes, and become bastions of integrity and honesty for young men everywhere.
  11. We should be thankful that saying “I’m taking my talents to __________” did not become part of our everyday lexicon.
  12. We should be thankful that with Manny Ramirez’s retirement, Barry Bonds’ perjury trial, and MLB implementing HGH testing, that all of our worries about steroids and performance enhancing drugs are no more.
  13. We should be thankful that Albert Pujols feels that part of what he’s being paid for is his loyalty, and that if there was somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly, he is going wherever loyalty is valued most.
  14. We should be thankful that Tiger Woods’ Christmas card collection won’t be overloading his fireplace mantel at home, as he will need some space to show off this year’s President’s Cup trophy.
  15. We should be thankful that the divorce rate for Kardashian/NBA Player marriages is better than that for everyone else in America.

Now it is your turn.  What are you thankful for this year?