Where have all the Quarterbacks Gone?

By John Lund

For the past ten years or so, the NFL has had a pretty steady nucleus of quarterbacks. A brief glance around the league from year to year would highlight most of the same names, regardless of their possible new team. Remember Favre? McNabb? Culpepper? Johnson? McNair? Warner? Veteran quarterbacks who could lead your team into battle and give them a chance to win any given Sunday. But as time moves on, so too do great football players.

Unfortunately for the NFL, the transition from old talent to new talent is in full swing. Some teams still have their strongholds on the Bradys or the Mannings (we’re talking about a healthy Peyton Manning of course), but other teams are faced with the problem of trying to find success with quarterbacks fresh out of college. History has not been kind to rookie QBs, who usually require an apprenticeship of several years before experiencing success at the professional level. There are exceptions of course, but the majority of quarterbacks who get their shot right out of college flop, and fast.

I think the fastest way to squeeze success from a QB is one or two years as a backup to a veteran, which will help improve his knowledge of the game and the play calling for his team. Sadly, this isn’t always the case, and young quarterbacks are often the laughingstocks of the league. It’s hard to find a solution to this problem, but this year’s crop of young QBs have given me the answer, and all it took was the names on their backs. My advice for the young quarterbacks is to forget about the NFL and find a job doing whatever your last name tells you to do.

Take for example Curtis Painter, the new starting quarterback for the hapless Colts. After spending a couple of years as Peyton Manning’s backup, Painter was thrown into the fire when Manning’s neck was found to be made of straw and Kerry Collins’ immaculate run of leading teams while being old came to an end. Painter knows the Colts’ playbook and should have gotten a fair amount of teaching from Manning, so at least a couple of wins should have happened by now. But as the Colts enter week eight with an 0-7 record, it may be time for Curtis to reconsider his occupation, and focus instead on becoming a PAINTER!

For Kyle Boller, an injury to Oakland’s starting QB Jason Campbell forced him into the fire as the de facto leader of the newly inspired Raiders, if only for a week. Campbell isn’t a top-ten quarterback, so one could have assumed that Boller would give the Raiders enough to keep them in the game. Except when he had three interceptions in the first half and had to be replaced by Carson Palmer, who was a retired quarterback up until that point in the season. How bad do you have to be to get replaced by someone who was playing catch with T.J Houshmandzadeh the week before? Granted, Palmer was horrid as well, and should maybe consider writing to Arnold Palmer and claiming he’s a distant cousin or something. But forget about the NFL, Kyle. Hit up the lanes and become a BOWLER!

Let’s also take a look at Matt Moore, who has helped lead the Miami Dolphins to a winless 0-7 record. One touchdown in three games isn’t going to get it done. Thus, drop football and apply for membership with the MOORS!

And does everyone remember when the Eagles dropped McNabb for the second coming in Kevin Kolb? After a sub par start to his career in Philadelphia, Kolb was ousted for Michael Vick and quickly forgotten about. So what has happened to Kolb in Arizona? A 1-5 record thus far, three intentional grounding calls, and a dissatisfied taste left in Larry Fitzgerald’s mouth. Perhaps Kolb should reconsider his career, and take up HARVESTING CORN! (Corn on the ‘Kolb’? Maybe?..)

With my final resolutions, I’d like to offer some advice to two quarterbacks who may end up on this list in the near future. Christian Ponder may end up a PHILOSOPHER, while John Beck may find himself in a ROCK BAND. I beg both of you, please prove me wrong and come out of the gates firing.

Follow John on Twitter @lundinbridge

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